Elon Musk’s calm Monday night suddenly took a wild turn.
He was approached by FBI officials late Monday afternoon. They were armed with an arrest warrant, and promptly took the eccentric entrepreneur with them.
He apparently did not resist, but knew instantly what the issue was.
According to Eric Martins, an FBI spokerpserson: “We have recieved an anonymous tip about the Starman flight, launched in February of 2018.”
One of Musk’s highschool friends from Johannesburg, South Africa, went missing around that same time. They weren’t exactly friends though, as our investigation led us to realize that the missing man, John Sadle, was bullying musk for the entirety of his highschool education.
Adding to that, Musk’s private jet was in Johannesburg when the man went missing.
Musk was quoted by friends saying that Sadle was “His lifelong nemesis”.
“Oh the wedgies he used to get from Sadle still make me wince when I remember. I can’t even count the times he pushed Elon’s head into the toilet. He would lock him in his locker, until he realized one day that Elon would just bring a light and read his textbooks in there until he got rescued. After that, Sadle would just beat him up. No way he could have enjoyed that.” – A highschool friend of Musk’s tells us.
Now, the FBI believes that Sadle was abducted by a group hired by Elon Musk, and subsequently launched with the Falcon Heavy rocket, carrying the Tesla Model 3, and “Starman”. What was previously believed to be an empty spacesuit, is now suspected to be John Sadle, abducted, and launched into space.
Musk is denying the whole thing.
After he got out on house arrest, we managed to get his statement.
“I didn’t send anyone up there. It would, however, be cool to see how far a human could survive on an interplanetary spaceflight. It is really a fascinating idea, I will have to contemplate this.”
The FBI might have just given the mad genius a horrible, horrible idea.